It’s starting to sink in. It hasn’t felt like real life over the past week, but now it finally is. I’m going from feeling numb to finally beginning to process it all. To whoever is reading this, I’m here to help you do the same.

The Magnitude

WARNING – this may be uncomfortable to read. Please skip this entire section if you’re not in a position to receive it and go straight to to the fun stuff.

If you were there, you already know. You’ve heard the stories enough times from the fifty-plus other people you’re trying to maintain communication with to make sure “everything’s fine”. Even with all of this madness that’s going on in front of us every day and circling our minds on an infinite playback loop.

I can hear Ross from our favorite 90s sitcom Friends saying right now, “I’m fine, everything’s fine”.

Everything’s not fine. It’s actually all extremely fucked.

We’ve heard or seen about it all.

1. The people who jumped in the water to escape the smoke and flames and had to swim as much as they could to a safe location.
2. The people who thought they were jumping in the water to escape the smoke and flames, but actually jumped into the top layer of diesel fuel from the boats that caught fire in the harbor.
   
   It only gets worse.
3. The elderly that couldn’t transport themselves to a safe location because they were on the top floors of their apartment building.
4. The kids who stayed home from school since it was cancelled due to the original advisory for high winds, whose parents couldn’t get back from work in time to get to them.
5. Bodies in the streets melting, in the water floating and halfway out of their windows.
6. The people who couldn’t reach their loved ones in the aftermath of the fire, and the ones who still cannot.
7. Not being able to find shelter, especially if you have a pet you’re unwilling to part ways with because they’re the first and only thing you could save from the fire.
8. Having a home or shelter just outside of Lahaina in Kaanapali or Napili, but having no power or food. Not to mention the water being contaminated so you can’t even shower safely or brush your teeth.
9. The logistical nightmare of “current” information only being “current” for thirty minutes before that term no longer applies…and trying to keep up with it all to deliver supplies and assess the damage to your home.
   
   For example, when they opened the road to Lahaina then closed it a few hours later because a pedestrian ran into the middle of the road and got hit by a car. My roommate was two cars behind and saw the thing go down, tried to do CPR, but the guy died right in front of him.
   
   Then the people who left the west side of the island this same exact day to get supplies from the north side, but couldn’t get back to their families because of the incident.
10. Armored vehicles driving through the area of Launiupoko holding people at gun point and taking whatever they could find. Then hearing about looters spreading across the island, worse than the fire, even to the unaffected areas.

The list goes on, but I choose to stop there and not give you 13 reasons why.

This is what people need to know who aren’t here to see it for themselves.

These are the thoughts that circle our minds, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. What about ourselves and our well-being? Is that selfish of us to even mention right now?

The Guilt

You know that feeling of guilt you get when you wake up next to someone you barely know and after the fact are like “ummmm, I probably shouldn’t have done that”?

**Awkward silence**

Yeah, me neither. But I heard from a friend that it feels something like this…just less material damage to your home, place of employment and morale. Well, sometimes.

If you’re reading this, we survived. Step one, complete. But now we’re thinking to ourselves, “what the heck do I do now?”

The majority of us are jumping to help. Delivering supplies, communicating information, reaching out to friends, coordinating shelter, sharing gofundme pages and anything else we can come up with. We honestly don’t even know what else to do anymore because it’s just a complete mess and we’re emotionally exhausted on top of it all.

Let me ask, have you thought about you for a minute?

Here’s how it works guys. Stay with me here, this part is important.

The city of Lahaina burned down, Kula is still on fire, hurricanes are forming around us apparently and everything else is shit. People died, are homeless, and I already mentioned the rest. If you’re here, you know.

So, when you just need to take a nice shower to wash off and relax, you feel guilty because other people don’t have that luxury. When you go to the gym to workout for the first time in a week, you feel guilty because you feel like you could be better utilizing your time to help someone out there. God forbid you walk out of Costco pushing a cart with nothing but a bottle of fish oil, a bag of 100% Gold Standard Whey Protein powder and a new grooming kit because people out there could use that money on food.

It’s almost as if I fabricated this false truth that a young orphan boy out there is going to die from starvation because I wanted to trim my beard and have it looking sexy again. Shame on me.

Not to mention how difficult it is to accept money, ask for help when you need it, and even reach out to a friend because they’re probably going through something too and don’t need us knocking on their door.

Listen up closely. This is the time it’s imperative we focus on our mental health.

I mean, listen to what I just said. I shouldn’t shower, workout or buy the things I need to take care of my body. Why? Because I’m alive and I should feel lucky.

The Truth, from a Survivor who ain’t leaving this island

Stop comparing yourself to who has it worse and basing your personal decisions, activities and purchases based on whether or not you’re on the short end of the stick. We’ve all had it bad and still do. If you were on-island for this, you’ve done and are still doing everything you can. You’re exhausted, confused and still pouring so much of your already half-empty glass wherever you can.

I’m here to give you permission to focus on you. Fill up your cup.

Go surfing, drive to Hana, climb some waterfalls, jump in the water (it’s warm), go to the gym, take some time to stretch, reach out to a friend when you need it, and most importantly, create any semblance of a routine that you can. It will start to make you feel a little more normal again.

You have to get back to that sense of routine at one point or another anyways, so you might as well start now. Give yourself some grace because you just experienced the most traumatic week you will most likely ever experience in your lifetime.

It’s okay that you do you boo boo.

Resources

For food, shelter, donation options and other needs for the wildfire victims, please check out my Maui Resources page.

If you have anything to contribute to the list of resources, please reach out to me directly via Instagram DM and I can include it on the site.

Mahalo.